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Help me #TakeAStand against domestic violence! We are #LouderTogether!

by Vicki Waltman

Supporting: Create a Fundraiser! for Fight Against Domestic Violence

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I am raising money to support a cause that I care about deeply. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men will experience physical violence at the hands of an intimate partner in their lifetime. I want to increase awareness and financial resources for service providers who support victims/survivors. As a Victim and now a Survivor of Domestic Violence I feel that it is time to come out and tell my story. You can say I was dumb that I let it happen to me not once but twice, and each time I felt I knew the person and that he would never lay a hand on me.  I was married at a young age and my husband who I had known for sometime had never laid a hand on me in anger.  I knew he had a bad temper but I did not see him prone to violence toward me, after our daughter was born things changed.  Lets just say that he be beat me one time so bad that he made me have a miscarriage of our second child and put me in the hospital.  But I went back because he said he was sorry, he told me that if I had not made him so mad that he would not have done that to me.  He made me feel like it was my fault and if I would just change then he would not get mad, so I tried to do what he wanted but he continued to be mad all of the time.  The last time he hurt me was when I found out he was cheating and I confronted him.  He beat me and threw me out of our apartment but would not let me have our daughter, I called my Mom who got me and we contacted my families lawyer who helped me get my daughter back.  I never went back and we got a divorce and to this day he does not own up to what he did, I never reported him because I always felt like I did something to make him hurt me.  Now I know that it was not me but it was him and always him.  The second situation I got into I was dating a man and he seemed liked the nicest person in the world, his friends, children and ex-wife all said nice things about him and what a wonderful man he was but I did not know it was because they were afraid of him.  He talked me into moving with him to New Mexico from Arizona with my 3 girls.  He promised me a good life since he worked in the oil business and made a lot of money, he said he could provide for me and the kids and I could be a stay at home Mom, that should of been a red flag but I went.  Within a week of arriving he started to abuse me, at first it was verbal abuse, accusing me of cheating and sneaking.  When I tried to explain myself or question him I would get hit, shoved and called filthy names.  I wanted to leave immediately but we only had one car since I left mine in Arizona with my parents.  We did not have a telephone where I could call anyone, he had me isolated and the hell began.  I got a job soon after that just to be away from him, I had to drive him to work daily and pick him up an if I was late I would get beat!  He would lock me in our bedroom and throw me on the floor and hold me down and scream in my face, he would choke me until I passed out.  One night he was so mad because it took me longer than expected to get dinner made and on the table he took me into the bedroom, tied me up and put a loaded gun in my mouth and I could think was oh Lord he his going to kill me and what will happen to my girls.  He pulled the trigger and the gun misfired and I was never so happy that my Dad (who was a gunsmith) never fixed my gun.  I had been having issues with it and sometimes it would fire perfectly and sometimes it would not fire, I was so happy this time it did not fire and it jammed and he was to stupid to fix it himself.  A few days later my little brother showed up at my house after he was discharged from the Air Force and I asked him to stay for a while, I knew as long as my brother was there I would not be beat on or mistreated.  Valentines day comes around and I am in a horrific car accident that almost took my life, my brother left shortly after that and the abuse began again.  I found out I was pregnant with my youngest daughter but that did not stop the abuse, he swore it was not his.  After she was born he had a DNA test done that proved she was his.  As soon as I was able to drive again I plotted my escape, I talked him into letting me get a job as a bartender that way I could save my tips or at least most of them.  One day he was at work and since he had a company car I had our car and I went to the gas station down the road and called a store that bought used furniture and had them come a give me a quote.  The next day they arrived at my house after he left for work paid me for it in cash loaded it up and was gone.  I packed what I could in my little station wagon and got my kids from school and left.  I drove as fast as I could back to Arizona, he followed me when he got home and seen we were gone.  He called and threatened my family and as soon as I got to my parents home we called the police and they waited for him. I told the police everything and they knew he was dangerous, as soon as he got there he broke into my parents home and the police immediately arrested him.  He went to jail and I never seen him again, he did try to have my youngest daughter kidnapped but his plan went bad, you could say that for 18 years I was constantly looking over my shoulder.  I moved around a lot and would use different names to keep him from finding me.  Soon after my youngest daughter went into the Air Force she found out he was dead, I never felt so much relief in my life.  I am a survivor and it has been hard but what is even harder is to live in that situation.


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